My Voice, A Gem!

Hi again!!

So this week my lesson pertains to my voice. My ability to speak my truth, and to show my authentic true self.

I woke up a few days ago with extreme anxiety, on the verge of one of those awful panic attacks. I couldn't for the life of me figure it out, or catch one of those life giving breaths.

At first, I thought it had something to do with the fact that the dishes were piled high, laundry is not even close to being started and I have a bit of work to do.

I went for a nice walk after getting most of those chores done, I was still not breathing right and feeling pretty terrified. I had the opportunity to walk with my "Ranch Mom", who had helped me center in the present moment a little more. However my chest was still tight.

I continue on with my night, to find myself talking about it with my dear friend {Crystal ;)} Like I find myself doing often. And low and behold I share something quite profound.

What is causing this to all come up to surface, is a training meeting with a bunch of strangers for a group facilitation, which I'll be doing for SMART recovery coming up. (There it is.) I AM SO Terrified. In addition to that, I found myself passionately sharing some other great little tid bits about positive youth development… and that’s when I acknowledged everything.

First big one, is my voice. So this is deep stuff and I know for a certain fact that there are many, many, many people who suffer in silence because of a situation similar to mine.

When I was twelve years old I was being abused by someone in my world. Of course I didn’t have very much trust for anyone then, but somehow mustered up the courage to tell my mom. Now of course with no fault of her own, she was not well either, when I told her she didn’t want to believe me and did nothing about it. So that’s when I officially lost my ability to speak my truth. My abuser gets away with it, and I have no say anymore.

Second "there it is" moment, has a lot to do with the education system I experienced. Early in my school years, like grade one early, I had been "diagnosed" with a learning disability. So this took me out of my regular class room, to be in a special needs class, because I apparently did not have the ability to learn, like the other kids. This followed me all the way to grade twelve. When I finally graduated (after returning to high school for an additional year), I was given a huge package to give to any post-secondary school I attend (IF I attend). It was stating that I would need all of these extras, like extra time on assignments and exams, and special support, in order for me to learn anything I took. It was a huge confidence smasher.

So at a young age, I had no confidence in myself, and My voice didn’t matter. OLD SCHOOL belief system that no longer serves me anything what so ever. They are officially showing themselves as huge barricades to my success in life.

So what Chany has come to realize…

I have learnt so many things over the years without getting special treatment!!!

-I recently completed the Addictions & Community Service Worker Diploma program

-I have had training in many different areas, such as Positive Youth Development through Lions Quest Canada. -I have taught myself things in life that are more fundamental then what the education system offered me growing up, LIFE SKILLS!!! The ability to maintain a healthy relationship with another human being. Be it a friend, family member, acquaintance, co-worker, or romantic partner, and most important one is WITH MYSELF!

-Healthy Coping Skills. No one taught me how to deal with life stressors, be it positive or negative stressors. Over the last five years I have adopted a garage, NO, A shop full of tools to get me through life.

So now, I have been presented with some opportunities to share all of these Gifts with others who could greatly benefit from this "shiny shop of living tools". ( I can see a pretty purple shop with shelves of tools, extra stock in the back and that title in big lit up letters) .

I am finally seeing what my blockages are. Now I am willing and able to release them, so that MY True Self can confidently speak up.

I don’t know much, one thing I can say I know, is I deserve the ability to shine, ( I may have mentioned this before,. Just Like everyone else.

I am Smart. I am also Strong. And what I have to say MATTERS. These are affirmations today I chose to make as my new beliefs about myself.

No one can take that away from me. The power of choice=Freedom. This is what I want to share with you today.

So BE GONE all of that which no longer serves me! I have a new thought process in town.

Well I hope this made sense to you, and if it didn’t, I'm sorry, I am unable to refund you your time back. On the other hand, I will give you a huge Thank You , for letting this piece be a part of your day.

ONE LOVE my friend, till next time.


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